one’s first true love

this post isn’t meant to be sappy. it’s meant for those people that need a little encouragement and confidence. something i lacked and still do tend to lack from time to time.

confidence is key.

this statement is 100% true. i believe that one must first love themselves before they can love another.

so let’s get to my story:

growing up, i kept myself busy. i played volleyball, basketball, and softball throughout the year. i kept up with my peers and didn’t eat “unhealthy”. (i don’t think so at least). the other girls my age started to slim out our 8th grade year, but i found myself stuck.

my freshman year of high school i decided to continue participating in the same sports i had played my entire life. during basketball season i started a diet. i took these drops and was limited to only 500 calories a day. yes.. 500 calories. I was playing basketball and working out at least once a day before or after school. i lost close to 50lbs, but i was basically starving myself in the process.. i was feeling so confident about my appearance. i was wearing dresses and putting myself out there to make friends and meet new people. life felt better..

as soon as i ended the diet, i indulged in all of the food i hadn’t been able to eat. sure enough, i gained the weight back with time. i started to hate the way i looked. i would look in the mirror and cry because i just wanted to look like the other girls.

my junior year of high school i had an appointment with a specialist in cleveland. that’s when i was diagnosed with insulin resistance.

The hormone insulin helps control the amount of sugar (glucose) in the blood. With insulin resistance, the body’s cells don’t respond normally to insulin. Glucose can’t enter the cells as easily, so it builds up in the blood.

this helped me to understand that it wasn’t all my fault. yes i could have eaten better and continued to workout, but my body was also working against me in many ways.

with this knowledge, i began taking a horrible medicine that made me terribly ill. i stopped. i focused more so on myself and my relationship at the time. with the relationship i gained a lot of weight.. i ate out more and became extremely lazy. i honestly didn’t think about my weight. i was “happy” with my life. soon my high school relationship came to an end and i was still the chubby girl. i absolutely hated myself and was embarrassed by the way i looked. when looking in the mirror, i truly felt as though i was looking at a stranger. i didn’t feel like this girl.

even to this day, i don’t believe i should look like this. i struggle each and every day with self love, but i realize this kind of stuff doesn’t change over night.

weight loss surgery has been on my mind a lot lately. when my mom has the surgery i told her that she took the easy way out. as i’ve gotten older and realized what she put herself through, I can see how hard she’s worked for her health and happiness. the surgery saved her life..

i have tried numerous diets that don’t work and i actually plan on getting a gym membership shortly. remember i’m kinda broke.. anyhow i really want to start eating healthier. aka more greens and proteins. i just need some guidance. if you have any suggestions please comment below.

back to the self love.

even though I still struggle with this concept, i think i’m more comfortable in my own skin then i ever have been before. i have realized that i am lovable, capable, and worth it. your body if everyone’s first impression, but the people worth being around will fall in love with your soul. that goes for friends, family, coworkers, lovers, strangers, and everyone in between. if people don’t take the time to get to know the real you, then they’re not worth your time.

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